Do you suffer from occasional\u2014or constant\u2014attacks of \u201cthe shoulds\u201d?<\/p>\n
You know what I mean. From the time I get up in the morning (\u201cI really should do some kind of exercise…I should empty the cats\u2019 litter pan now…I should floss and not just brush…\u201d) to the time I lie down at night (\u201cI should have washed those dishes instead of leaving them in the sink…I shouldn\u2019t have stayed up so late watching TV…Damn, I really should have emptied that litter pan!\u201d) I\u2019m plagued by guilt over a million rules I carry around in my head. And that\u2019s not even counting work hours! (\u201cI should get this article done before I get busy with other stuff…But I really should call this contact now before he goes out to lunch…Or should I do that job my boss asked me for 20 minutes ago??\u201d)<\/p>\n
I know my list of \u201cshoulds\u201d has gotten longer over the past couple of decades, and I suspect other Baby Boomers have noticed the same phenomenon. For some, dealing with children, grandchildren and aging parents has added more responsibilities, all equally important. I don\u2019t happen to have those issues, but ironically having a lifelong dream come true a few years back greatly expanded my list. In 2003, I got my first novel published, and five more have followed. But now, in addition to wanting to actually write more books, I feel obliged to promote and promote and promote the ones I\u2019ve already got out (while still working around a full-time job). I should take advantage of this chance to do a guest blog or an online interview or go to that conference or give this talk or get on that panel…etc., etc. If I don\u2019t, I feel as if I\u2019m shortchanging a key area of my life\u2014my \u201ctrue\u201d calling.<\/p>\n
One of the reasons I\u2019m writing this blog, in fact, is because it\u2019s been so long since I made an entry that I kept nagging myself, \u201cYou should do another blog…\u201d (Don\u2019t get me started, though, on tweeting. With so little spare time, I have to draw the line somewhere!)<\/p>\n
There are two other big reasons why I think many of us have developed overactive consciences lately\u2014the environment and the recession. I\u2019m struggling more financially than I was 15 years ago, so I feel guilty any time I spend on something that\u2019s nonessential and, God forbid, just for \u201cfun.\u201d I often used to buy a magazine off the stands just because a headline or photo caught my eye, but now I subscribe to very few (at a discount) that mostly relate to my job. I go to a movie once every few months, and only when it\u2019s something I really want to see. Even so, I hear a constant chorus in my head of \u201cI should save more, I shouldn\u2019t put anything else on a credit card, I should fix things instead of replacing them…make it do, wear it out…\u201d<\/p>\n
Not all of this is bad, of course, because frugality does go hand-in-hand with the other big paradigm of the twenty-first century, conservation. And I do take that seriously–I just started recycling my cardboard toilet-paper rolls! I save my fruit and vegetable peelings to compost, turn off the tap while brushing my teeth. But it all adds to that chorus of “shoulds,” doesn’t it? When I’m exhausted, in a hurry or just having a bad day, and that chick in my head starts nagging, “You should put that in recycling, you should shred those documents before you throw them out, you shouldn’t use that drain cleaner because it pollutes…” I want to slap her silly. (She sounds like that electronic b*tch at the supermarket self-checkout who scolds you every few seconds, “The bagging area is full…Please bag some items…”)<\/p>\n
How about you? Do you find that trying to live up to all of these modern responsibilities drives you crazy at times? Some psychologists believe the very word “should” is bad for our mental health. Should we abolish it? <\/p>\n
Please comment below–you know you should…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Do you suffer from occasional\u2014or constant\u2014attacks of \u201cthe shoulds\u201d? You know what I mean. From the time I get up in the morning (\u201cI really should do some kind of exercise…I should empty the cats\u2019 litter pan now…I should floss … Continue reading